We all know that being in love is one of the very best feelings in the
world. When we fall in love, we often believe that our in-love feelings
are going to last forever.
There are some basic choices that would lead to lasting love.
1. Learn to love yourself
Do the inner work
you need to do to be happy on your own. If you are abandoning yourself
by not taking responsibility for your feelings, judging yourself,
turning to various addictions, or making someone else responsible for
making you feel full, loved, safe and adequate, you will meet someone
who is also abandoning themselves in various ways. We meet each other at
our common level of self-abandonment or health, so do the work you need
to do to feel happy, peaceful and full of love inside. You don’t need
to be fully healed, as much healing can take place within a
relationship, but you do need to know how to love yourself so you can
share your love with others.
2. Take it slow
One of the
major mistakes that many people make is moving too fast — including
having sex too early. For a sexual relationship to be deeply satisfying
on the physical as well as on the emotional level, there needs to be
deep caring and connection. Early “in-love” feelings are often nothing
more than infatuation, as truly being in love happens over time — if it
is going to happen. If someone is rushing you into a relationship, be
very cautious. Behind the beautiful words and dazzling pursuit may lurk neediness and narcissism.
3. Ask in-depth questions
Ask the
important questions — about values, money, children,
religion/spirituality, past relationships. If you are afraid to be
forthright in your questions, then the fear itself is letting you know
that your fear of rejection may be in charge — which means you have more
inner work to do.
4. Don’t shy away from conflict
All
relationships have some conflict, and much can be learned from how you
each deal with conflict. If you are avoiding the important questions,
giving yourself up to keep the peace, or not speaking up for yourself,
you will not learn what you need to regarding how the two of you handle
conflict. If your new love closes down, gets angry or furious, goes into
resistance or defensiveness, or turns to an addiction, this does not
bode well for staying in love. An inability to resolve conflict is a
major reason why in-love feelings fade away.
If your new
love briefly does these protective behaviors, but then opens to learning
with you, great. But if he or she does not open within the same day as
the conflict, then it will be very hard for issues to get resolved
between you.
5. Appreciation rather than judgment
You are not likely to find someone who has everything
you want, but hopefully he or she has many of the qualities you value.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like and trying to change your
partner with judgment, appreciate what is wonderful about your new love.
This doesn’t mean avoiding problems, as it is vital to explore the
difficulties — with an intent to learn — but being judgmental is one of
the quickest ways to put the lid on love.
While you will
not always feel “in love” with your partner, following these five
choices will give you a very good chance of feeling loving and connected
with your partner much of the time.
Source: huffingtonpost