According
to previous studies, men cheat for adventure, ego, unsatisfactory
sexual experience in their marriage, frustration, revenge and deceit
while women cheat due mainly to lack of affection from their partner,
sexual dissatisfaction, revenge, boredom and peer pressure.
No doubt, being in love, especially when it is reciprocal, comes with
some good feeling. But one of the many things that truncate such
pleasure or harmonious relationships is cheating, and both men and women
have been found to be guilty of it.
Largely, cheating is regarded as a betrayal of trust and findings have
shown that men hardly ever forgive a cheating partner, even if they are
also guilty of the act.
According to previous studies, men cheat for adventure, ego,
unsatisfactory sexual experience in their marriage, frustration, revenge
and deceit while women cheat due mainly to lack of affection from their
partner, sexual dissatisfaction, revenge, boredom and peer pressure.
However, in order not to be caught unawares, there are signals that show
that a partner is having an affair. It should equally be noted that
each of these signals might not be a complete indicator of infidelity –
some can, actually – but a combination of one or more could be. Some of
these signals include:
They are suddenly protective of their phones:
Protecting one’s phone, maybe with a password, is never a bad idea. In
fact, it is encouraged so that if it is stolen or misplaced, such
thieves or anyone who lays hands on it does not have access to
confidential information stored on the phone. Regardless, however,
people who cheat are usually protective of their phones excessively or
they take offence when their partner touches their phone. For the sake
of trust, there are couples who tell their partners their password, but
with a caveat not to be intrusive or meddlesome. But in such a
situation, where the man or woman suddenly changes their password, when
there was no breach of the caveat or any reasonable explanation, such
persons might be hiding some things. And for those who were not used to
putting password on their phones, if they start suddenly and are
overprotective of the phones, it might be a signal. In addition,
changing passwords from time to time might as well be a signal.
Making secret calls and not disclosing caller’s identity:
Funny as it might be, it is not uncommon for people who have things to
hide to go to the bathroom, sometimes putting on the shower or tap to
create some distraction; sneaking out of bed in the midnight to the
visitor’s room or staircase to make calls or whispering over the phone
while making calls or ending the call upon sighting the partner. In such
cases, when asked who they were on the phone with, the common responses
are ‘Oh! Don’t worry, it’s nothing important’ or ‘it’s a wrong number’
or ‘no one of importance.’ According to findings, these are signals that
the person might be having an affair, and of course they want to keep
it a secret.
When they delete their chat history:
The advent of chatting apps has somewhat made cheating easier, arguably.
Thus, it could be a source of concern when a partner repeatedly clears
the chat or message conversation with a person, especially before
allowing their partner to touch the phone. That could be a signal, in
addition to when a partner always rushes to answer their calls, avoid
being subjected to questioning by their partners.
Sudden changes in appearance or preferences:
This factor could appear harmless, but according to some experts, a
sudden change in looks, clothing style, or new styles aimed at
impressing someone could suggest that it’s all beyond looking good and
that an affair might be lurking around. A private investigator and
author of Ultimate Betrayal, which is a guide to recognising,
uncovering, and dealing with a cheating partner, Danine Manette, told
Woman’sDay, “A man who drastically alters his clothing style, appearance
or body shape for no apparent reason may be having an affair. Perhaps
the other woman has suggested he grows beard, wears his hair differently
or use a particular cologne. If he’s dressing differently for work
unlike before, there may be a co-worker he’s trying to impress.”
Unusual hostile attitude:
While this is not a complete indicator of infidelity, experts say that
people, especially men, cheating could be anxious or unsettled and look
for every opportunity to create conflict and even leave the house,
presumably out of anger, all being a ploy to go and spend time with the
other lover outside. Manette added that if the partner suddenly gets
angry or is irritated by the things that appealed to them before, like
partner’s eating habit, dressing style, manner of speech and sex style,
it could also be a signal. A professor of psychology, Toba Elegbeleye,
said, “Complaint is another way of knowing that something extraneous has
entered into the marriage, especially when your partner begins to
complain about what he or she had not been complaining about before.”
They create some distance:
This is possibly a signal when a partner deliberately, or for no
definite reason, creates some distance. Apart from now having more space
to interact with their second lover, such persons would likely have
less conversation with their partner and so would be free from any slip
that could indict them during conversation. According to some marriage
counsellors, if they stop spending time with you, or stop showing
affection in public, it could also be a signal. Manette said, “He could
be spending the time away from home with her. Although the other woman
usually accepts whatever fragment of time the man can give her at first,
she typically begins to demand more and more of his time. Conversely,
he may just not want to come home because he feels guilty.”
When they become unusually caring:
Reasonably, one of the things guilt does is to compel people to be
evasive or more affectionate to the person offended. Manette said, “When
a man feels guilty, he may become unusually affectionate or attentive
as a way to mask his affair or relieve some of his guilt.”
They refuse to disclose their location: This is another way people mask
their extra-marital affairs. Knowing that disclosing where they are,
especially if they are not meant to be there, could attract some
suspicion, they tend to stammer or think twice before giving a response,
and they could lie outright.
They are strangely unreachable:
Whether they need to spend some time with their girlfriend or not to
sound suspicious on the phone, cheating persons are wont to switch off
their phones or put it in ‘flight mode’ so they would be unreachable.
The lies that follow such could be low battery or poor network. When
this happens from time to time, especially when they are reasonably
expected to be reachable, it could be a signal. Also, if such persons
become fidgety or are incoherent on the phone as to what they had been
up to, it could be a signal that they could be having an affair.
Elegbeleye said, “When there is a measure of absenteeism, it could be a
signal. When you expect them to be home at a particular time and their
phones are off, if it keeps happening like that, it could be a signal.
When a marriage is contracted, both partners would settle into a
routine; there would be some pattern of living that is known to both of
you. So, when the routine is rudely abdicated or interrupted without
verifiable reasons, then there could be a problem.
Less interest in sex:
Apart from fatigue from the work place, which is quite understandable, a
man or woman who is having an affair, especially a romantic
relationship, may not be disposed to sexual moves from the partner,
simply because that need has been taken care of elsewhere or sex with
them has become boring, unless there is a medical condition or any
mutual understanding why one party may want to abstain from sex.
Elegbeleye said refusal or shying away from having intimate relationship
with a partner could be a signal. He said, “It may be sex or something
both of you are used to doing together before but the partner now comes
up with excuses. It’s a wrong signal that all is not well.”
Constant reference to a new ‘friend’:
When married persons repeatedly talk about someone of the opposite sex,
whether by reflex or it is done deliberately, the partner might have
something to worry about, because such silent or subtle affection could
spiral into something romantic over time. Thus, such could be a signal
as well.
Meanwhile, Elegbeleye said beyond seeing the signals, it would be wrong
to confront a partner based on that, without concrete evidence.
He said, “Do not confront the person until you have your facts, so you
don’t end up throwing wild allegations. In other words, after seeing
those signals, do your investigation to have concrete evidence, because
to accuse a partner of infidelity, your evidence on you must be
concrete. It’s not enough to say he’s cheating because he now comes back
late, unlike before.”