Lovers’ fights cannot be ruled out of a relationship.
It is the regularity of these fights that decide whether your relationship is healthy or not, not their mere occurrence.
So when you and your partner have to argue out
issues and trash out difficulties in the relationship, you should
always bear in mind that finding a solution to the issue is the
ultimate. The more issues you overcome, the lesser the hurdles you’ll
have to climb and ultimately if you are patient, if you communicate
effectively and always stay focused on trashing out problems and not
each other, being in the relationship will become smooth sailing.
Silent treatment in romantic relationships [Credit: Be Relateable]
Below we list some relationship problems that do not have to break your relationship apart:
1. When to start referring to each other as ‘we’
When your relationship gets to a stage where
you and your partner refer to the future in terms of ‘we’ instead of
‘I’, it shows that you are both looking beyond the present, and have a
unified mindset to be together for a long time.
But
if your partner has yet not gotten to this place mentally, and you wish
they were, it could make you feel scared and bothered and some type of
way. But this is not enough reason to break up the relationship.
“When couples experience setbacks during
that transition because they are trying to embrace an interdependent
mindset, it is actually a sign of health,” says Dr. Anthony
Chambers, a clinical professor of psychology and director of the Center
for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University
told NBC News.
Just give it time, communicate and it’ll likely happen sooner rather than later.
When you have relationship problems, attack that and not your partner. [Credit: Martha Stewart Weddings]
2. Getting used to parenthood
“Relationship satisfaction goes
down for all couples during the transition to parenthood. Most divorces
happen during [this time], so have realistic expectations and seek help
to learn strategies to cope,” Chambers explains.
“Like a bank account, you want to have enough relationship points in your account to handle the inevitable withdrawals.” she adds.
3. Issues on social media use
Instead of rushing to take the highway out of
the relationship, make sure you have a conversation about what your
rules of engagement are on social media before either of you get
offended.
“This couple’s challenge is to use that
setback as an indicator that they need to work together to create
relationship boundaries that help them feel both safe and independent,” says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed American clinical psychologist and
“Different couples have different boundaries around this stuff so the only way to figure it out is by working together.”
An angry black couple refusing to acknowledge each other. [Credit: The Rut]
4. Dwindling sexual desire
Feeling hot for each other could simmer down to a candle flame over time in any long term commitment. But that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. “Early months of a relationship are fueled by sexual desire that feels effortless and organic. One of the most destructive romantic myths in our culture is that if sexual chemistry changes for a couple, it means their relationship is bad, wrong or doomed,” Solomon explains.
“It is normal and expected for sexual desire to slow and shift as a couple settles in to commitment and routine.”
When the regularity of sex drops in the relationship, it does not
mean that that has to be the end of the relationship. You can always
resolve things with adequate conversations. [Sexville]
5. Really different personalities
Rather than being judgemental, be objective
when your partner is not so like you in their approach to life and love.
So far your values align, methods do not necessarily have to. That is
why there are different love languages, indicating that people’s
preferences differ and it is OK for it to be like that.
“I like to have couples use the newspaper
test, meaning if you put this argument on the front page of the [paper]
you would find thousands of people who agree with partner A, thousands
who agree with partner B, and thousands who disagree with both.
Remembering that can help you approach your partner with more humility
and avoid the ‘right and wrong’ argument.” Dr. Chambers tells ABC.
“It is also important to be humble when
discussing differences with your partner. You may prefer doing something
a certain way but that is all it is — a preference,” Dr. Chambers explains.
