Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So
if you’re in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped
you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again
and again. Here’s everything you need to know about batterers and from
1. Men who beat women have an intense need to control the women they love.
The biggest misconception about these guys is that they have “anger
management” issues. They don’t. They don’t blow up at work or at the
driver who cuts into their lane. Instead, they have an overwhelming need
to control their loved one — how she dresses, where she goes and whom
she talks to. That’s why, before they actually start using physical
violence to stay in control, they are often constantly phoning and text
messaging the object of their affections so they know exactly what she’s
doing at all times.
2. Men who beat women do genuinely love the women they beat up.
In fact, they are often obsessively in love with their girlfriends or
wives, which makes them even more jealous and controlling — they just
don’t know the proper way to express it. They most likely grew up in a
home where there was violence.
3. Men who beat actually blame their girlfriends for forcing them to be violent.
A batterer will tell himself and his girlfriend that SHE provoked the
violence by looking at another guy, wearing a skirt that’s too short or
not cleaning up the kitchen fast enough.
4. Women blame themselves for provoking their boyfriends.
They get brainwashed into believing that they’ve done something wrong.
“It was my fault for leading him to think I was cheating.”
5. When batterers apologize, it’s another form of taking control.
Guys who beat up their girlfriends can be dramatically remorseful —
crying, begging for forgiveness and promising to never become violent
again. Flowers and gifts can be typical. The apologies can seem so
genuine that a battered girlfriend gets completely seduced back into
continuing the relationship.
6. Guys who batter are insecure.
It’s weird. They can seem completely normal and stable at times. At
work, they can present themselves as completely nice guys. It’s the fear
of losing their girlfriend or being unable to control her that leads to
the intense outbursts of rage and violence.
7. When guys batter, they feel entitled to do it.
They believe they have the right to use whatever means necessary to take
control of the situation. If police arrive, they aren’t ashamed of
their behavior; they feel justified (i.e., “You deserved it — you were
behaving like a slut”).
8. If your boyfriend is violent, it’s unlikely he will be cured.
Most batterers don’t get the treatment they need in order to stop. They
don’t want help because they believe they are in the right. Furthermore,
the beatings are likely to escalate over time. Ask for help from your
close friends, family or a domestic abuse organization, and make a plan
to leave ASAP.